I found out why half the Internet smells like an all-male dorm room

Facebook: Facemash "used photos compiled from the online facebooks of nine Houses, placing two next to each other at a time and asking users to choose the 'hotter' person".

YouTube: the founders of YouTube stated that they originally set out to make a version of Hot or Not with Video before developing their more inclusive site.

(quotes from Wikipedia)

Bears: Godless killing machines. (Stephen Colbert)
Spiders: Godless spinning machines. (Diogenes, fark.com)
Atheists: Godless sinning machines. (MandyJoBo, tressugar.com)
Americans: Godless sex machines. (billi789, mediamatters.org)
The Universe: Godless vending machine. (aish.com)

Special thanks: Google. Not yet in the Snowclones Database.

I love you, Joel Spolsky

Tedious caller: Hello Joel and Jeff. My name is Jeffrey Wiens, and I have been a developer for around four years. I'm currently in an applied mathematics graduate program because I needed something more challenging than what my previous jobs could offer. How would you deal with programmers like me, that are intellectually bored at work?

Joel Spolsky: There are no bored people, there are only BORING people. If you're bored at work it's because you're a boring person.

-- Stack Overflow podcast #82

Official Announcements I Heard On The London Underground Which Were Slightly Surprising To Me As Someone More Familar With Sydney's Cityrail

1. "Ladies and gentlemen, at the present time, there is a good service on all London Underground lines."
2. "Sorry for the delay -- it's due to this train arriving slightly early. We'll be moving shortly."
3. "Mind the closing doors ladies and gents. Mind the closing doors. Alright ladies and gents, we'll try one more time. When I say 'mind the closing doors', and the chimes are ringing, that's not a time for you to try and commit hari kari."

Did you hear about the physicists who were on their way to a conference when their elevator's cable broke, plunging them into freefall? Fortunately one of the physicists jumped at the last minute right before the car hit the ground, so they were all saved.

I promise I won't do this again, but...

Google News results for articles making the "bite out of Apple" joke in the last two weeks: about 14. Given that two months ago there were 12, I have conclusively proven that, taken as a worldwide collective, journalists have no imagination and recycle the same puns practically every day.